Fake
news and political satire.
July 31, 2012
A
Message from NBC About Its Olympics Coverage
Posted by Andy
Borowitz
LONDON (The Borowitz Report)—Today NBC Sports issued the
following message to viewers of its prime-time coverage of the 2012 Olympic
Games in London:
Dear NBC Viewers:
Last night, millions of you were
thrilled to see the U.S.A.’s Missy Franklin win the gold medal in the
hundred-metre backstroke race. That is, you would have been thrilled, except
that just before the race we showed promos of Missy Franklin appearing on the
Today show with the gold medal she won for the hundred-metre backstroke race.
If you’ve been watching NBC in prime
time the past few nights, you’ve probably noticed how, night in, night out,
we’ve been wrecking the Olympics for you. All we can say is, our bad. At NBC
we’re just not used to broadcasting things that people want to watch.
But all that’s about to change.
Tonight, for those of you who like
watching the Olympics without having every moment drained of its entertainment
value, we are launching a new premium service called NBCFree: the Olympics
without any contributions from NBC whatsoever.
For only $29.95 you can watch the
Olympics with no spoilers, no maudlin “personal narratives,” and no promos for
NBC’s new fall shows like that egregious one with the doctor and the monkey we
show like every five minutes. And for $39.95, no Ryan Seacrest.
So contact your cable or satellite
provider and order NBCFree today. And if you don’t? Well, all we can say is, we
already know what other medals Missy has won, and we’re not afraid to tell you.
Sincerely,
NBC
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